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Quite some time ago I bought an interesting book from the second hand bookshop. It was called "ideals of the Samurai". Writings of a Japanese Warrior. It was one of those books thrown out at a sillyprice, One or two dollars and I knocked it off the counter accidentally. Now you and I both know that there is no such thing as an accident So I bought it, flipped through it, tucked it into thebook shelf and today, I was in one of my browsing moods, so I plucked it off the shelf and opened it randomly.

The book said."Both Kuroda Nagamasa and his father Josui were well known for their regard for the advice of others, and Nagamasa even set aside one night a month when he would sit with a number of his trusted retainers and allow ali to talk freely with the mutual promise that none would become angry over what was said, or gossip about it later. These were Called the "Meetings without Anger." (FP 134 - 1357)This phrase "Meetings without Anger" struck a chord for me and I began to think about the various problems I have in my household and now, if I could have such meetings, these problems could be sorted out double-quick.

In fact ,one of the major problems for all of us, the terrible knowledge that no one really listens. I used to wonder why my Mother kept going to the Doctor when I was a little girl. He was a lovely, gentle, old type GP who had wonderful listening skills and I guess that says it all . She neededto be heard.She could never have held a meeting without anger because she could never have talked freely, but I think we could. All of us. It seems such a wonderful way.Imaginethe closeness that could be achieved between families if there was a time for every member to say there bit and is heard. If there were no pay backs or tale telling building up. The American Indians have something similar called a "Talking Stick". Only the person holding the talking stick is permitted to speak and this talker also holds the answering feather. If a question is directed to some one else who is required to answer then the answering feather is given to that person. No one can butt--in, no one can speak over the top of the other's voice, and because speaking time is rationed, the speaker gets straight to the point.

And, if you are holding the answering feather it is very, very hard to pretend you did not hear.I like that.It makes such good sense to me. I am sure that this is true democracy not the farce that we have today. I don't know about you, but I want tools like these in my life, to teach me to honor the sacred point of view of every living thing that allows me to listen to the teachings and experiences of others, and, what is probably more important, that shows our little ones how to speak out and be heard without fear, and in return to listen.

Clarys